Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Why do men and women measure promiscuity differently?

The majority of men think a woman is promiscuous after they've slept with their 20th partner. Is it just me or does that seem unfairly harsh?

According to AskMen's annual Great Male Survey 2011, which ran in parallel to our Great Female survey, 31 per cent of men surveyed said a slut was a women who'd had sex with 20 guys or more.

You can read their take on the situation over at AskMen.

A whopping 8,202 blokes across the globe put their two pence in about relationships, sex and the women in their lives at AskMen while we heard from nearly 1,500 UK women on the same topics.

Surprisingly the sexes weren't that different in opinions on promiscuity - but how we view our own magic number is another thing entirely.
Show a bit of restraint
It seems we both prefer a bit of restraint when it comes to sex. Though 22 per cent of men thought a woman could notch up 50 lovers before being considered a slut, there was still 18 per cent who said it would be after just 10.

Women were fairly evenly split in their assessment. According to the majority of SoFeminine readers, a man-whore must sleep with between 20 and 50 women to earn his title. Only 14 per cent of readers said after it was after 10.

Apparently older girls are more forgiving of promiscuous behaviour. The majority of women over 25 said a man-whore is someone who's shacked up with over 50 women, while over in Boy World, enlightenment didn't arrive until age 29.

The 15-19 year olds were the most judgemental in both camps while the over 40s agreed that it didn't matter how many people you slept with, you'd never be a slut or a man-whore. Life begins at 40 apparently.

As editor of SoFeminine.co.uk I'm pretty shocked by these figures. Though there's no time frame given for how long it might take to rack up these numbers they seem on the low side.
It's easier for women
We all know it's easier for women to meet and sleep with guys but even so, if you haven't been in long term relationships, you wouldn't have to behave like Annabel Chong to see the figures go double before your quarter century.

From my point of view, a promiscuous woman isn't someone who's slept with X amount of people. A promiscuous woman is someone who has no respect for herself or for the people she sleeps with. And the same goes for the man-whore.

Like the over 40's (which, BTW, I'm not), I don't think it matters what the magic number is, it's the behaviour that counts.

If you're style icon is Jordan and you're Facebook status updates regularly read "Walking like John Wayne... again! Can't even remember his name!" then yep, you've probably earned your title.

But if you've had a lot of fun, with a lot of guys, you've been safe and you've not told everyone and his wife about it, then no-one's going to be calling you names.
A lady never tells
I'm not saying lie, I'm just saying a lady (or indeed a gentlemen) never tells.

In fact our survey revealed that the majority of men and women said they'd never lie about how many people they'd slept with.

But what I found interesting was that of those who would lie, the men said they'd do it to protect their ego (no doubt tripling the figure to sound like more of a stud) and the women said it's no-one else's business or they'd tell porkies to protect their partner's feelings (probably halving it).

Your magic number is your business. It shouldn't define who you are and, in the grander scheme of things, it's about as important as how many nail polish colours you own.

Advertising the fact that you've slept with over 50 blokes is probably going to mark you out as a bit of a goer - if that's not how you want to be thought of then don't get involved in those discussions, don't audition for Geordie Shore, and don't be on first name terms with your local GUM clinic receptionist.

It's all about staying safe and keeping schtum.
Men don't want a "banger"
The harsh reality is that most men don't think of women who've have slept with a lot of guys as potential girlfriend or wife material. They feel threatened. They imagine they'll never compare and their fragile ego's can't handle the truth.

Though men want a girl who's good in bed, the vast majority want to at least think they're ones teaching her how to be.

...until they get to 40 and then apparently they just don't care.

Women don't care as much. We almost expect our guy to have a good few numbers in his little black book - even if they're mainly fictional.

Truthfully, women can sleep with as many men as they want to - the only inequality is in the bragging rights.

A male friend once told me that when he gets a girl home he almost can't even be bothered to sleep with her, he just wants to text all his mates to tell them he's pulled.

Needless to say that guy was known as a bit of a man-whore and as a result of his texts he didn't get any action for almost two years. We may be OK with guys who sleep around but if their reputation gets out of hand we don't want to know.
If you can't keep it in your pants...
Keeping your conquests to yourself not only protects you, it also shows you have respect for the people your with. You don't need to lie about it but remaining coy and resisting the urge to reveal all will definitely go a long way to avoiding any unfortunate monikers.

Sophie Kasaei from Geordie Shore might think it's the year of the slut. I say, even if it is, save the details for your memories.

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